Live Look At Brock Osweiler Hunting The Laser Pointer

Brock Osweiler pulling a big time Costanza on Monday Night Football, literally blaming the loss on the laser pointer. Flashback to a childhood memory of Brock Osweiler being in a movie theater and having some random guy pointing a laser right at his man boobs. Damn you, laser guy! You had to grab it all with your lowbrow laser shtick! You're just a prop comic! Where's the craft?! I wonder if he had to battle maroon Gulf on the way out of the parking lot. Or I wonder if he accidentally lit a Mexican flag on fire.

 

Brock Osweiler shows up with a Ladainian Tomlinson tinted visor next game. You just watch. Or he'll end up like Costanza with ink on his hands because that's not a real laser pen.

Tom Brady Pulling An Impromptu Morty Seinfeld

Look at that, Helen! Look at what he's wearing. That's the Executive. The belt less trench coat. Raincoats were my business The executive was a classic. These haven't been made in twenty years. I sold raincoats in the garment center for thirty-eight years.Tommy pulling out the out belt less trench coat that Morty Seinfeld invented way back in the 1970s. Cheap fabric and dim lighting, that's how you move merchandise.

P.S. Morty Seinfeld is an all time dad character. My wallet's gone! My wallet's gone!

Big Time Timmy Jim Took The Suburban Out For A Spin (Big Time Dad Move)

Dad Move

NASCAR is full of dads, but of all of them, Jimmie Johnson is definitely the biggest one. Walking Just For Men Touch of Grey commercial, married with two daughters, drives cars for a living. His main sponsorship is Lowe's which is basically dad central on a Saturday afternoon for all the dads who just want to get out of the house and do that project.

This is a huge dad move. Just taking out the family Suburban out for a spin on the oval with the lights on all be yourself. Just a dad, his thoughts and the long road. Like when dads say I'm going out for a drive and they aren't back for three hours and they just drive on the highway until they get bored and they turn around and come home. You let them do that. They just fuck with people on the highway and yell at people who are driving 60 in the left lane and put on some Who Are You as loud as the speakers go and start screaming out all of the anger that comes with being a dad. Just cruising down I-95 going 90 in the Suburban sounds like such a treat right now. Just to be alone with the road. That is a man's ultimate goal.

P.S. This reminds me so much of fellow dad Louis C.K. Singing the Who to your two little girls in the back seat. Is this not every white dad ever?

Ezekiel Elliot - Hello! I'm Bored! Talk To Me!

Well, his belly button is like a mouth.

I'm booored! Talk toooo me!

Hellloooooo! La la la!

Not at all!

Has anyone ever liked belly buttons more than Ezekiel Elliot? I don't think so. This guy just loves showing people his belly button. Maybe Jerry and George in the belly button episode when they are obsessed with Jerry's girlfriend's talking belly button. The funny thing is that Ezekiel Elliot probably doesn't even know what Seinfeld is. He's definitely a Friends guy.

Anyone Who Says Phil Jackson Is Racist Is Straight Up Wrong

Bada bing bada bang, a white posse. Who would have thunk it.

Anyone who is saying that Phil Jackson is a racist for calling Lebron James and his friends a posse has obviously never watched wrestling before. To those who say posse is just an African American term, Shane O'Mac and the Mean Street Posse is just making you look like a straight up idiot. I saw this on Sportscenter today and my blood pressure spiked up to one thousand. Just ask Mac Daddy, Pete Gas, Rodney and Joey Abs, they'll tell you. Anyone with a brain knows that.

This vignettes are wicked funny. Attitude Era WWF was the best. Now Monday Night Raw is a four hour snooze fest. 

I'll Never Get A Haircut And Feel Completely Good About It

Just a blatant 1A Seinfeld reference that Lib Cat and Kmarko somehow missed on the rundown today. 

Did you ever get the feeling like you had a haircut but you didn't have one? I'm all itchy back here. It's one of those lines that does not make any sense at all but it's still one of the truest things you've ever heard.

I Think If Purdue Hires Bo Pelini, I Have To Become A Purdue Fan

I think I'm serious about this one. If Bo Pelini goes to Purdue, I'm going there with him. If Bo Pelini is back in the Big Ten I would legit get a boner and cum myself in fifteen seconds. We're a package, Bo and myself. Like those two kids on the playground who have to be on the same team when you're playing football. I think I would go all in with the Purdue thing if Bo Pelini coached there. Like I'd buy a Drew Brees Saints jersey, I'd get one of those cool Nike Purdue sweatshirts that I can't get with Nebraska and their German Adidas sweatshirts. I'll become an engineer. Work as a civil engineer somewhere. Build bridges or train tracks or something. Get really into Purdue basketball.

You don't even need a search committee to hire this guy. Immediate 9-4 record and a middle of the road bowl game. If you're Purdue, why the hell would you mess with anyone else? 

P.S. Fuck hat P.J. Fleck guy. I don't care if P.J. Fleck is the most natural Crossfit/triathlon/energy guy in the entire world, Bo Pelini makes that guy pee his pants and call him daddy. Plus any Purdue person who thinks Les Miles is going from LSU to Purdue has to be joking. If you can't have the Mad Hater, why not have his slightly less mad defensive coordinator?

That Was Just A My Bad

Has anyone ever been more wrong about anything ever? I don't think so? Some fantasy players may be tempted to deploy the Buc's D/ST against Jay Cutler in Week 10. However the Bears have looked competent with him under center, and Tampa Bay's personnel doesn't inspire a lot of confidence. Go with another D/ST. Promptly scores 31 points. The guy who wrote this review shouldn't have to be fired. If this guy had any respect for fantasy football, he would just quit and move to the Himalayas and buy a horse and not bother anyone anymore.